I'm getting sick and tired of this holiday. People all around me,
forcing me to spend money, making me see my loser family. Ugh. I
don't even believe in Jesus. Yeah, you'd think that would buy me a
get out of jail card, that whole "atheist" angle I've got going on,
but no. People say that Christmas is based on pagan holidays that
date back further than christ. Yeah, I know, I did a big article
about it two years ago, some of you will remember it. But here's
the thing about that. I am not a pagan either! I believe
in No God or Gods. In capital letters just like that. Oh well.
In the interest of science I did some lackluster internet research
about the origins of this shitfest. Or just random facts.
It wasn't even a freaking word until around the mid 11th century,
a contraction for "Christs mass", or boring ass church ceremony.
Well where does Xmas come from? I always thought it was just an
awesome way to give and get gifts without acknowledging that guy, but
no. In early Greek versions of the new testament they spelled christ
starting with an x. Then it became an abreviation for the Christ.
Those loopy Greek bastards.
Around the 12th century, the remnants of the former Saturnalian
traditions of the Romans were transferred to the Twelve Days of
Christmas (26 December – 6 January). Christmas during the Middle Ages
was a public festival, incorporating ivy, holly, and other evergreens,
as well as gift-giving. And corporations still shit all over themselves
with glee every year at this time. They are the only ones truly
joyful.
Sextus Julius Africanus popularized the idea that Christ was born
on December 25 in his Chronographiai, a reference book for Christians
written in AD 221. Most people will try to fight you if you suggest
maybe Jesus wasn't really born on that specific day.
It's not really Jesus's birthday, but it is Santa Clause's birthday,
and he's pissed because he has to work.
It might come across like I hate this holiday but that's because I
really, really do. But I won't ever point out a problem without
attempting to at least apply my voluminous intellect to the problem.
The way I see it, there are two answers, each more inane than the last.
1. Change it to "Annual Winter Gift Giving Celebration". I know, it 's
not particularly catchy, but it boils it down somehow anyway, doesn't
it?
2.Just give up and celebrate Julebukking. What is it? Some other
stupid winter tradition. From the wiki:
Julebukking is a costumed holiday tradition of Norwegian origin.
Between Christmas and New Years Day people wearing masks and costumes
(Julebukkers) go door to door, where neighbors receiving them attempt
to identify who is under the disguise. Julebukkers will often disguise
their voices and body language to further the masquerade. Offering
the Julebukkers holiday treats and something to drink is customary.
Once identities are known and the food is eaten the Julebukkers
continue to the next home.
Julebukking is believed to have originated in Norway where Pagans
worshiped Thor and his goat. During holidays they would disguise
their appearance and go house to house carrying a goat head.
That sounds cooler than Christmas.
Oh well: Gifts or goat heads, I hope everyone has a good time these
holidays.
Timm Tayshun
Now go listen to my songs.
forcing me to spend money, making me see my loser family. Ugh. I
don't even believe in Jesus. Yeah, you'd think that would buy me a
get out of jail card, that whole "atheist" angle I've got going on,
but no. People say that Christmas is based on pagan holidays that
date back further than christ. Yeah, I know, I did a big article
about it two years ago, some of you will remember it. But here's
the thing about that. I am not a pagan either! I believe
in No God or Gods. In capital letters just like that. Oh well.
In the interest of science I did some lackluster internet research
about the origins of this shitfest. Or just random facts.
It wasn't even a freaking word until around the mid 11th century,
a contraction for "Christs mass", or boring ass church ceremony.
Well where does Xmas come from? I always thought it was just an
awesome way to give and get gifts without acknowledging that guy, but
no. In early Greek versions of the new testament they spelled christ
starting with an x. Then it became an abreviation for the Christ.
Those loopy Greek bastards.
Around the 12th century, the remnants of the former Saturnalian
traditions of the Romans were transferred to the Twelve Days of
Christmas (26 December – 6 January). Christmas during the Middle Ages
was a public festival, incorporating ivy, holly, and other evergreens,
as well as gift-giving. And corporations still shit all over themselves
with glee every year at this time. They are the only ones truly
joyful.
Sextus Julius Africanus popularized the idea that Christ was born
on December 25 in his Chronographiai, a reference book for Christians
written in AD 221. Most people will try to fight you if you suggest
maybe Jesus wasn't really born on that specific day.
It's not really Jesus's birthday, but it is Santa Clause's birthday,
and he's pissed because he has to work.
It might come across like I hate this holiday but that's because I
really, really do. But I won't ever point out a problem without
attempting to at least apply my voluminous intellect to the problem.
The way I see it, there are two answers, each more inane than the last.
1. Change it to "Annual Winter Gift Giving Celebration". I know, it 's
not particularly catchy, but it boils it down somehow anyway, doesn't
it?
2.Just give up and celebrate Julebukking. What is it? Some other
stupid winter tradition. From the wiki:
Julebukking is a costumed holiday tradition of Norwegian origin.
Between Christmas and New Years Day people wearing masks and costumes
(Julebukkers) go door to door, where neighbors receiving them attempt
to identify who is under the disguise. Julebukkers will often disguise
their voices and body language to further the masquerade. Offering
the Julebukkers holiday treats and something to drink is customary.
Once identities are known and the food is eaten the Julebukkers
continue to the next home.
Julebukking is believed to have originated in Norway where Pagans
worshiped Thor and his goat. During holidays they would disguise
their appearance and go house to house carrying a goat head.
That sounds cooler than Christmas.
Oh well: Gifts or goat heads, I hope everyone has a good time these
holidays.
Timm Tayshun
Now go listen to my songs.
